The Osoyoos Cottage Mystery

We travel through British Columbia, Canada, on a regular basis, eh. Along the side of the road scattered about the place, giant Adirondack chairs on large metal pipe posts mimicking a Wall Drug billboard.

The dread Osoyoos Cottages "billboard". Warning they will draw you in the fly paper.

The dread Osoyoos Cottages “billboard,” large enough to be a love seat. Warning they will draw you in like fly paper.

We assumed Osoyoos Cottages (pronounced oh-soy-use) were an adventure rental get away spot somewhere close. Not wanting to spend the money on international roaming charges I promised myself I would look it up when we returned to the states. I claim years of post travel sleep deprivation amnesia—five years worth.

My better half and I  promised each other for twenty years we would visit some of our long time customers in Penticton, BC, together. We set a date on the calendar at the end of those twenty years.

And traveled for the first time to the Oroville, Washington, border crossing. Confused by the signs, we drove into the wrong lane.

A laughing Canadian Customs agent asked, “Is this your first time?”

Not to Canada, but definitely to the Oroville border crossing—our virginity on display.

Being the criminals that we aren’t, they let us right in.

The town on the other side of the border: The mysterious Osoyoos.

One of those pernicious chairs sitting on a post at the side of the road . . . welcome to Canada. We want to taunt you with our mysteries.

Like the draw of the Wall Drug billboard, we followed those chairs all the way to the far side of Osoyoos—before arriving in Oliver, the alleged wine basket of Canada. Okay, maybe the sign didn’t say “alleged”.

We found a road on the north end of Osoyoos Lake with a ground level chair obscured by bushes. Only visible after we drove passed it. We U-turned.

The sides of the road adorned with Adirondack-chair-sized signs warning: Watch for baby turtles. Imagine a Florida highway during turtle hatching season. Watching wasn’t the problem.

Zero turtle injuries later, we crossed the road. Not an easy feat in an F150 and it took a while—both ways.

We cruised passed vineyards. Another chair on the side of the road. We must be close.

We drove over a hill and around a bend into a lowland basin and another large, land-locked chair (see picture above).

On the edge of Lake Osoyoos. The sun beamed on an enormous sign. The wind held its breath. The heavenly host struck up their harps.

We arrived.

The wind whipped out of our sails. Not because the wind died.

The Cottages, not for rental.

For sale.

The Cottages: an oxymoron.

The Cottages: an oxymoron. Guard house and gate not pictured.

Gated community with guard house. Large, lake-front luxury homes with a high six figure to low seven figure price tag. Still under construction.

Wine country costs.

Baby turtles beware, your taxes just went up.

About Fannie Cranium

Writing since she could first hold a pen, Tracy Perkins formed her alter ego, "Fannie Cranium" at the suggestion of her husband. Tracy understands smiling makes people wonder what she’s been up to.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Osoyoos Cottage Mystery

  1. markbialczak says:

    Bait and annoy, Fannie. 🙂 Well told.


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